More Than A Mom: My First Few Days as a New Mom

Our first few days


Our first diaper change as new parents was a complete disaster! My husband and I both are the last ones to have children in our family. We have a bunch of nieces and nephews, but we’ve never had to change diapers before. When the line on the diaper turned blue it was game time!


I can’t even describe what happened next. My now experienced brain can’t fathom what we were doing. He was laying down on the bed in front of me. Four adult hands, mine and my husbands. The dirty diaper came off, and I don’t know what we were doing with the clean one, but the two of us were fussing over something, looked down and discovered he was peeing. He was peeing on his head! Someone we got peed on the bed go peed on. There was pee everywhere!


Baby's first poop! meconium is composed of materials ingested during the time the infant spends in the uterus: intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile, and water.


The first poop after labour!!! WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT THIS????? Mom’s poop, not the baby’s, but here’s a picture of meconium poop just in case you were curious. Looks like the poop emoji minus the eyes!

The hospital was giving me stool softeners. I was lucky that my time didn’t come until May 2nd, the second morning after he was born. Full of stitches I was warned not to push, just to let it happen. When you give birth there are people in the room cheering for you and guiding you and heling you. I could have used some moral support in the bathroom that morning.


Leaving the room Marcus was born in was really emotional for me. I cried for the first time. I balled my eyes out. It took me a long time to settle down and be able to take a step out the door. I’d left the room to take a walk. But this time we were leaving the safe confines of this incredibly warm room with our vulnerable fragile little baby. He was the most precisous thing in the workld, and they were just letting us walk out with him! What if something happened? What if we were t-boned on the way home? I was full on uncontrollably sobbing and paniced about leaving, and I know it didn’t go unnoticed, but no one said anything. They gave us our space.


Looking back I don’t know if this is normal post baby hormones or a sign of maternal post partum mental health decline. But I managed to calm myself, and with shaky knees we started the walk to the elevators. My husband was looking forward to going home, and I was looking forward to familiar surroundings, in a place where I could control the temperature. The hospital was so so hot! I was going to miss having a bathroom so close to my bed.


Bringing him home was unreal. We couldn’t believe he was here already! I had three weeks of pregnancy left and fully expected to go late! You hear so many stories of first-time moms going into labour late. Apparently in Canada it’s equally as common to deliver at 37weeks as it is to deliver at 41 weeks. The rarity is delivering on your due date!


By mid May, when we were expecting him to arrive, we were no longer experiencing the surreal disbelief that comes with an early baby.


I literally have thousands of pictures of him sleeping! Because he was early he was covered in lanugo, fine hairs all over his body that eventually fell away. He changed from a hairy scrawny baby to a rolly polly baby within a month! He excelled and grew well and there we no concerns. Everything was neurotypical!

He was (and is) amazing. He started to crawl on time, but he never had a conventional crawl. He had this hybrid crawl with one knee, one foot, one hand and he could do it fast! It was efficient because he liked to carry toys with him. He was happy, made eye contact, and engaged with us. He hit all his developmental milestones. Passed all the screenings that took place at 3 months, 9 months, 12 months, but at 14 months he didn't pass. Between 12 and 14 months, our little boy started to change. 

I thought it was me. During his thirteenth month, I traveled to Niagara Falls for a girl's weekend. We were running in the Women's only 1/2 Marathon. It was the first time I  spent 2 nights away from him. I thought he was different because he was snubbing me, he was upset because i had left him with dad for three days. This was also during the time I was weening him from the breast to bottles only for his breastmilk. Little changes for us, are big changes for them. There was a rational explanation for the differences we were seeing. 

But he could say hi, up, please, Mom....we'd heard hi say these words, he'd used them correctly. Suddenly he could no longer speak, it was just animal sounds and grunts. Maybe this was just a stage? boys learn to speak slower than girls. There was always an explanation that fit. 


Between 12 and 14 months, our little boy started to change. 

From my journal


April 30th

“I finally got a short nap this afternoon. But I’m elated, full of joy and wonder and adrenaline, so I don’t feel tired. I can’t believe my pregnancy is over. The first time I stood up to go to the bathroom I can’t believe how light I felt and how much easier it is to stand up! My belly is still there but it’s like a deflated balloon or waterbed mattress, It’s really strange!”


May 4th


“In the evening while I was giving Marcus a diaper change his umbilical cord stump ell off. It made me sad-the last piece of me fell off him. It was a big event. Took some pictures. I’m not going to keep it but I haven’t thrown it out yet.”


May 10th


“He’s smiling in his sleep!!! I’ve seen it about 3 times now. He just did it again! At first I thought it was gas related, but he has a very distinctive poo face and sounds.”


“Last night I think he was babbling! He woke up at 3:00ish to be fed and was awake for 2.5 hours. We stared at each other, changed a few dirty diapers.”


“He’s alert a lot longer, but he only seems to fall asleep on me after feeding. I’m a little worried about this becoming a long-term trend. But for now, I don’t mind the cuddles! He’s so beautiful!”

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