My Journey Into Motherhood and Mothering a Special Needs Child.

 Please note, I'm writing these and publishing them on the same day. They are raw unedited posts so they won't be polished and there may be grammatical errors. 

My Son's Birth Story Continued.

I tried to use the stopwatch on my phone to time the pain, without my husband knowing because I didn’t want hi to panic. What if these were contractions?  They couldn’t be I was only 37 weeks pregnant with my first baby! I should have weeks more to go! But the stopwatch didn’t work because what was I timing/ There were moments when the cramps were more intense then others, but the cramping was always there. So I tried to time the intense cramps, but my numbers were all over the place. This was not what the prenatal classes had taught me. This was not what I had read online. Therefore, this couldn’t be labour. Something else was wrong.

I contemplated contacting labour and delivery to see what they had to say, but I’d already had a scare a few months before, which turned out to be ruptured hemorrhoids, I was worried that this was a false alarm and it would pass. My PB had told me the day =before to start to expect cramping because of the position of baby’s head. We discussed it and decided to go to bed.

I was in bed maybe 20 minutes when I had an intese cramp and I peed myself. We both got up. I had just peed the bed. I was mortified. But I wasn’t sure if it was pee. We smelled it. Yup, you read that right. First time parent early labour denial. Hard. It didn’t smell like anything.I could feel a lot of pressure so I went to the bathroom. Pooping when your baby’s head is low and engaged is really uncomfortable. Another cramp came when I was on the toilet. My husband called labour and delivery to see what we should do. He told them my symptoms. They said, no rush, just to be sure, bring her in so we can assess her.

I’d gotten bean's packed earlier in the day. We quickly threw some things in my labour bag, just in case, and we put a bunch of his stuff in the wash.

I was in complete denial about being in labour. There was no steady timing to the pain I was experiencing. I’d been wrongly told during our labour and delivery course that a contraction would ripples across the front of my belly. I felt I wasn’t having contractions because there was no steady rhythe to the pain. I’d been spotting for a couple of days, I wasn’t sure what the fluid was but I was afraid my cervix was failing or that I had preeclamsia because my back was huring a lot.

I can’t remember if we stayed home long enough to put the load of laundry we’d started in the dryer. LOL

When we got to the hospital, you have to go through emerge, and they sent us right upstairs to labour and delivery. I told the nurse my symptoms and she told me it sounded like labour. I told her it wasn’t. Complete denial.

It’s the only time in my life I have ever experienced denial, and let me tell you it’s consistent! The nurse, you're in labour. Me, No I’m not.

She was amazing though. She spoke to me gently and brought me in a room to “check things out”. I was told my abs would contract for a contraction, that wasn’t happening. I was feeling it all in my back. No one had ever talked about back labour. I’d only been taught about “typical” labour. I want to call it “neurotypical” because that is the word used for “normal” when you do not have a “neurotypical” child.

From this moment forward, nothing about my life would be “neurotypical” But I didn’t know it in that moment.

She did a swab, she said if I had leaked amniotic fluid it would turn black. It was black. But she said sex could give it a false positive. Wed’ had sex, so more fuel for my denial. I’m a control freak, and for the first time in my life I had zero control or experience for what I was going through I think in retrospect that might have contributed to my denial.

We eat a-lot of chicken, and the sight and smell of raw chicken was completely repulsive!

This is legit how i had to prep it.

You can see the crazy reno chaos all around!

She then strapped two monitors to my belly, one so we could hear the baby’s heart beat, the second to measure contractions. I wish I had a recording of that steady steadfast sound. You don’t need music when you’re in labour, you just need to focus on that heart beat! Sure enough, the cramps were registering as contractions. So she decided to do an exam. I really like that she went through this process with me slowly, like we were both on a journey of discovery, but looking back, I have no doubt in my mind she knew I was in labour, and she was trying to show me in a systematic way that I was going to have a baby soon. She was amazing. Her name was Diane.

She decided to do an exam. I was 4 cm dilated, fully effaced and she could feel the waters membrane bulging through. This was the real thing. I was saying. Baby was coming. It was now midnight. Mike went down and registered me and got our bags. I sent out a group text to family and friends letting them know that Bean had decided to come early. I was 4cm dilated and being admitted to hospital. The nurse told me that labour typically progressed slowly for a first pregnancy, to expect to dilate 1 cm an hour. They figured by 6am I’d be ready t start pushing. It was going to be a long night.

We talked about pain management. It was still manageable so I decided to just do gas and the birthing tub. Now I’d watched a lot of youtube videos, I was not expecting a small shallow bath tub when I was offered a birthing tub. I was disappointed. I was really disappointed.

I remember it took a long long time to get hot water. When I finally got in I was really uncomfortable, this wasn't going to work for me. Diane was setting up the mask. She told me it looked like I was coping with the pain really well, but it looked like I had progressed during the short walk to the labour suit and the filing of the tub. She wanted to check me again.

In 1 hour and 20 minutes I'd progressed to 8cm!

 Diane said I was going to go fast! She called my OB and told him I was progressing quickly. They put in an IV, I don’t remember why, because I had progressed too quickly and drugs were no longer an option. I did have gestational diabetes so I’m not sure if it was a precaution for that. 

By 2:43 am I was ready to push. I had no idea how and even though labour had progressed quickly, I was exhausted and it felt like every bone in my pelvis was shattering. I’d spent most on my time on my hands and knees, because this was comfortable, but for some reason I was told to get on my back. The nurses asked me how I felt. I felt hot and like I was going to puke.

To be continued tomorrow.....